


Heart Shaped Box

by Roarofthecrowd



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Frerard, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 16:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2514320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roarofthecrowd/pseuds/Roarofthecrowd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When I reached his bedroom door I slowly pushed it open, looking inside, "Frank Anthony Iero, If you're trying to fucking jump out and scare m-" I began, but cut myself off as I saw pure horror lay out a few feet in front of me.....</p><p>In front of me was my worst thought. </p><p>My worst nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart Shaped Box

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so I do not own Nirvana or any of their songs, I do not own anything except the story line and character personalitys BLAH blah blah. Love you guys xø

It was just another old ordinary day, Frank and I had just went out to the comic book store, like we do every Friday. We would go in, and since we didn't have any money, we would secretly read the new issues of our favorite superhero's. It was really quite fun. No one would ever mind about us doing so, except for the manager, which was this grumpy old fellow, he was about, maybe 57? He was slumped over, which made his glasses constantly slip down his nose. And a stocky built type figure. Thinking about him chasing us out of the store like he did the past 10 minutes ago made me still laugh.

"Hey, Gerard?" Frank said to me, breathlessly as we were still running from the comic book store.

"Yeah, Frankie?" I said, looking back at him as we slowed our pace.

"Do you, do you think that he's going to call the cop's?" He questioned.

I chuckled, "No, I don't think so. He hasn't done it the past, eh, 24 times, has he? I think if he were going to call them, he would've done it already. Plus, we didn't really do anything wrong. We didn't _steal_ the comic book's, we just _read_ them."

"Well, yeah I guess that's a good point." Frank said, as he caught up to me.

The walk home was quiet. It was a weird quiet, but a good one, y'know? Short and sweet, it was.

As we reached my front door, I opened it and walked in, holding the door open, expecting Frank to follow me inside, as usual.

"Are you coming?" I asked, as I looked back and saw Frank still standing on my porch.

"N-no," he said as his voice cracked, "I have..um plan's tonight." Frank said, almost sadly.

"Oh, uh..alright then." I said, as I stepped back out on the porch.

My black converse covered feet stepping in some rain water that was soaking up on the deck from earlier this morning.

Frank stepped closer to me, closing the distance between us, and hugged me tightly, resting his head on my shoulder. "I love you, Gee." He said, burying his face in my neck.

'I love you' he said, I knew he meant it in a brotherly way, but I couldn't help but wish that he had meant it a little differently.

I've loved Frank for a long time, ever since I can remember, actually. But in the past four or five year's, I've realized that I don't only love Frank, but I'm _in love_ with Frank.

I just never told him because I knew he wouldn't feel the same, and I couldn't lose this friendship, if I lost this friendship-...

... I couldn't live without this friendship, to be honest.

"I love you too, Frankie." I replied back to him in a whisper.

He nuzzled a little closer to me, "I swear to God if you do anything fucking stupid, I'm gonna kick you're tall little ass" Frank said, I felt him smile as he did so, but just a little.

I knew what he meant by that because, well you see, I have a lot of depression and suicidal issue's and Frank does also, maybe a little more actually. We're all we've got, and we promised to never leave one another.

We help keep each other breathing, to be honest.

"I won't, you know that." I said, "And if you do anything, I'm gonna kick you're _short_ little ass." I said, with a small chuckle.

"Don't ever leave me.." I heard myself say.

"Never." He breathed out.

"Okay, good." I replied, shaking off the seriousness as I pulled away.

Frank nodded his head, "Bye, Gee." He said with a small smile and that cute little wave he alway's does.

"Bye, Frankie." I said back, with a smile.

I watched him walk off my porch and down to the concrete, his face watching the ground as he walked.

But, I wasn't ready to let him go yet,

"Hey! Frankie! Wait a second." I called out to him as he began to pick up his pace.

"W-what?" Frank said, sounding a little shocked.

I walked off of my porch and down to the concrete sidewalk,

"C'mere" I said, as I motioned for him to come hug me, with my arm's wide open.

Frank ran up to me as fast as he could, almost like his life depended on getting to me as quickly as he could. Almost like the world was about to swollow him whole, and I was the only thing left to hang on to.

In fact, once he got to me, he almost knocked me over. I hugged him tightly, not ever wanting to let go. I just wanted to stay here, forever.

"Is something wrong, Gerard?" Frank asked, his head nuzzled under my chin perfectly, so that my chin rested on his head.

I pulled away to look at him, his cute little black converse that intentionally matched with mine, his ripped up blue jean's, his black 'Bouncing Souls' t-shirt, his beautiful tattoo's on his arm's and hand's, his adorable little face that has a killer jaw line and beautiful hazel-ish green eye's, and his perfectly messed up dark brown hair that was almost black with adorable little curl's in random place's.

"Nothing, nothing at all, Frankie. I just wanted another hug. That's all." I said, smiling as I looked at the most perfect imperfect, human being.

"Oh, well in that case." Frank said, right before lunging back into me, squeezing me tightly.

"Say, Frank. Is there something bothering you? You can tell me if there is, you know that." I said, hugging him back.

"No, Gee. There's nothing wrong, okay? I promise. Don't worry about it." Frank said.

"O-okay, I just wanted to make sure." I said, as I pulled away from him gently.

"I know, Gee." He said, as he smiled lightly at me.

"I love you, Frank." I said as I looked at him.

"I love you too, Gerard." He replied back.

"Okay, I'll let you go now." I said, regretfully. I didn't want Frank to leave.

"Okay, Bye bye, Gee." Frank said.

"Bye bye, Frankie." I said, with a smile on my face.

I then watched him turn on his heel, and head down the sidewalk to the short walk to his house. I walked back up on my porch and watched Frank as far as I could see him, to make sure that he made it home safely. After I saw him dissapear behind the big buliding that covered his house from view, I walked over, opened my door, and stepped inside, slamming the door behind me.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck it! I need to tell him how I feel...." I yelled loudly.

I walked over to my coffee table, sweeping everything off of it, smashing it to the ground.

I'm sure my neighbor's probably thought that I was killing someone, or maybe something, y'know if you believe in that supernatural sort of thing.

"I-I mean, if our friendship is really worth anything, he won't hate me right? I-if he doesn't feel the same I mean. Oh c'mon, who the fuck am I kidding? Of course Frank doesn't feel the same. Just look at me." I said aloud, pacing the floor.

"I-I'll tell him tomorrow." I announced proudly but also nervously, to myself

" **November** **26th. November...November 26th**." I said, repeating the date of tomorrow over and over, just wondering if I'd regret that day ever existing.

Probably so, considering the horrible luck I have, but none the less, I have to go through with this. I just can't keep it to myself anymore, it's eating me alive, keeping a secret like this away from Frankie.

"Tomorrow.....tomorrow thing's change.... _forever_." I told myself.

I hoped that they would change for the better.

I was completely and utterly nervous, my stomach twisted and turned all night long, so much to where I threw up a few time's. And I'm not the person to throw up, unless I'm really sick, so that's saying something.

I tossed and turned in my bed, I was not getting sleep tonight, or atleast for a while, and that's for sure.

I decided to make myself useful and get some much needed drawing done.

A few hour's and 12 drawing's later, I looked at the clock, "5:04 a.m" I said, quietly to myself. Who else was I gonna say it to?

I got up and put my art stuff away, in the top drawer of my dresser as usual.

I decided to turn my radio on that I have resting on the top of my dresser. It was just a small, shitty, littte radio, but hey, it played music and that's all I needed it for.

I flipped through the station's, turning the knob to my favorite station, they were playing Nirvana. Fuck yes.

I love Nirvana so fucking much. I love all of their song's, but "heart shaped box" was playing, and that's by far my favorite.

I turned up the radio a little more and went to lay on my bed, humming the song aloud, I had missed listening to this song, I don't know why I ever stopped listening to it.

-/-

I guess I must've fell asleep listening to the radio. I woke up and looked at my phone, it was 1:27 p.m.

I was confused for a second, since I was half asleep and still very groggy, but then it kicked in.

"Holy fucking hell!" I yelled, I probably would have woken the whole city of Belleville up, y'know if anyone actually slept till 1:27 in the fucking afternoon.

I jumped out of bed, almost falling flat on my face because my foot had got caught inside the blanket, "Well, fuck me in the ass!" I yelled.

Y'know it's probably a very good thing that I live alone, I dont think anyone would want to put up with this.

I ran into my closet, grabbing a smashing pumpkin's t-shirt and some black skinny jean's.

I threw them on quickly, then proceeded to brush my teeth and this unruly black mop on my head, known better as my hair.

I usually don't even brush my hair, but today was a rather different occasion....Today is the day that I tell Frank that I'm.....in lo-

My feelings. Today's the day I tell Frank my feelings. Because it makes my stomach twist and cramp just thinking that I'm in love with him.

I rushed to my dresser drawer and pulled on mixmatched sock's.

"Life is too fucking short to worry about wearing damn matching sock's." I said to myself, almost out of breath from all of the running around and rushing.

I shoved on my black converse, not even bothering to untie them and tie them back. I was in too much of a hurry for that.

I shoved my house key's into my jean's pocket and headed off to Frank's house.

It took about 5 to 6 minute's to get there, as I walked through his small little yard I found myself looking at Frank's dogs' grave, her name was "Mama" she was just a scraggly little chihuahua, I had bought her for Frank on christmas eve, to keep him company living all alone in this same house. You see, we both still live in our childhood house's alone, because our parent's decided to move out of New Jersey and just told us we could either go with them, or live here. Evidently we chose to live here. But anyway's, Mama had gotten distemper, and finally passed away last year. Frank and I still sit by her grave and talk to her, that may sound weird, but if you think about it, I think it's just closure.

I walked up on Frank's porch, and knocked on the old, wore out, wooden door, and waited for Frank to open the door, I waited to hear his foot step's, but I didn't hear a sound. So I knocked again. Once again, no foot step's and no answer.

Maybe he had fell asleep? I didn't know, so I just opened the door myself, hoping that I wouldn't scare him. So, I stood in the door way.

"Frankie! Why didn't you answer the door? Didn't you hear me knocking?" I yelled.

I was greeted with silence.

Is he just fucking deaf or something? I mean, c'mon.

I stepped in the house all of the way, closing the door behind me, I then walked through the living room, no sign of Frank here. I checked everywhere down stair's, but had no luck.

I decided to walk up stair's to see if he was in his room. That cheeky shit is probably hiding in his closet with a Frankenstein mask on, just to try and scare me.

When I reached his bedroom door I slowly pushed it open, looking inside, "Frank Anthony Iero, If you're trying to fucking jump out and scare m-" I began, but cut myself off as I saw pure horror lay out a few feet in front of me.....

In front of me was my worst thought.

My worst nightmare.

Frank. On. The. Fucking. Floor.

Blood.

 

Blood everywhere.

 

Everywhere...

Oh God.

No.

I rushed across the floor, falling to my knee's beside him, looking down at his crumpled up looking figure. A gun laying a few inches beside his head.....

"Oh- oh my God.....Frank!" I yelled, tear's streamed down my face like a water fall.

I picked his head up gently, laying it on my lap.

I also picked up the gun, in terror, and slid it skidding across the floor.

He...he had a-a box..... a small, black, heart shaped box laying on his chest...

I payed no mind to it, carefully taking it off of him and laying it beside me, as I cradled Frank in my arm's.

"No, Baby. No. No, no, please! Please don't leave me, Sweet heart! I love you...I-I'm in love with you, Frankie....I....I was coming to tell you today.." I confessed, choking on my own tear's.

"Please....don't leave me like this!" I cried out.

"Frankie! Pl-please....you said you'd never leave me...y-you swore to me that you-you wouldn't. You f-fucking swore to me, damn it!" I yelled. My tear's were dripping on Frank's face now, just around his eye's, almost like he, himself were crying.

"Y-you swore to me that you'd never, ever leave me. A-and I actually believed you. Fuck...fuck......O-oh God, Frankie! You are-..were...s-supposed to tell me this shit!" I yelled.

Frank's face was completely covered in my tear's.

What...am I going to do?...... I can't live without him...I couldn't..I can't ...hell, I barely did it with him, let alone without him.

I was so confused...why would he do this to me?..Why the hell didn't he tell me how he was feeling? I could've fucking helped!

Oh...oh my God this,...this is my fault...every bit of it. I didn't ask question's we he said he "had plan's" This one time when I should've doubted his promise's...

I didn't want to interrupt his plan's...well good fucking job, Gerard! The one time that doubting his promise's would have saved his life, you believed them, and now your best friend, and the love of your life, is laying here, on the ground that's covered in his own blood...and you could've stopped it from happening.

 _But_ _you didn't._

I didn't...

This is all my fault...

"I- I'm so sorry Frankie.." I said, leaning over him, looking at his beautiful, pale skin.

That beautiful pale skin that used to be full of life, but now...now it just look's as if it were asleep.

Maybe, maybe Frank is asleep...somewhere. In a happier place....full of joy maybe...

Maybe he's not so sad anymore.

Maybe he's with people who can make him feel better.

I laid Frank's head down gently on the pillow I got from his bed, it was his favorite one, a red one that I had boughten him for christmas since he complained about how "White is too boring of a color, they should make actual pillow's different color's instead of just the case's."

I held on to Frank's ice cold hand with my left hand, as I took the black, heart shaped box from the floor, and laid it on my lap, carefully opening it with my right hand. As tear's still streamed down my face.

As soon as I saw what was inside, I- I didn't know what to do, I wanted to scream, laugh, cry, smile, and run away, all at the same time.

I wanted it all to go away.

On the inside of the box there was a note on the lid, one that read "To Gee. I love you so much, don't think this is your fault, please. It's not and it never will be. I um, well I never had the courage to say this..but damn it. Gerard I love you, I'm _in love_  with you. I alway's have been. I had always hoped you loved me back in a way like that, but I was always afraid to lose you because of thinking things like that. Please don't do anything stupid just because I did, I'm so fucking sorry that it had to end this way, I know I swore that I'd never leave, but it just...it just got the best of me, and I know you wanted me to see a doctor, and I know I never would, what can I say? I'm a stubborn bastard. But hey, you would never go either, so I guess that makes us both stubborn bastards, right? I love you, Gee. this is just a little box of memories that I've collected over the year's and I think it's time that you keep them. I love you, and I'll still be here, forever and alway's, xofrnk"

"M-memorie's?.....Y-you kept memorie's of u-us?...." I asked him, even though I knew I wouldn't get an answer.

I slowly began looking through the small, heart shaped box, Almost afraid to mess anything up.

There were dozen's of picture's of us, mostly the one's that Frankie took of us last summer, he was very much into photography, and we were being funny one day, making weird face's at the camera, and in one, he even kissed my cheek.

More tear's droppped down my face, one by one, as I found a few piece's of folded up paper.

I opened them and it was a few song's that Frank and I had written together.

"Y-you actually kept these?..." I asked Frank, once again not expecting a response.

See, we would write lyric's, guitar riff's, and guitar solo's, hoping that one day we would form our own band. And we had the most perfect name for the band. It's just, we never got other member's for it, we needed a bassist, a drummer, and another guitarist. We even held audition's for it, but it just didn't work out.

If it had've worked out, I'm pretty sure that Frankie or me wouldn't be in this situation...Frank would still be breathing and he would probably even be happy, doing what he love's to do; playing guitar. Every night.

And I'd sure as hell be ecstatic about singing my heart out in front of a crowd every night. But it didn't happen....and I guess I have to accept that.

I continued looking through the box, my tear's soaking a lot of the thing's inside of it.

I smiled through the many tear's as I came across the little, red, stuffed bear that I had gave him when he had to go to the hospital because he had gotten sick. He's deathly afraid of hospital's, so he took the bear and with a black marker, and wrote; "Gee-bear" across it's chest. He would hug it whenever he got scared.

And in return he gave me a little, green bear. So I wrote: "Frnkie-bear" And the next time I had to get a shot I took the bear with me and squeezed it tightly, it made me feel better.

So every time Frankie and I had to go somewhere that we didn't want to go, or were afraid, we didn't have to go alone. We would alway's hug our bear's, and it was kind've our little friendship thing.

"I-I can't do this anymore...." I said quietly, looking at the small bear.

I couldn't look through this stuff anymore, as much as it was reminding me of happy memorie's, I couldn't look at anymore of it, because it was just reminding me that Frank wasn't here to have or relive those good memorie's anymore.

And I couldn't....I-I couldn't think about that.

While still holding Frank's hand, I scooted closer to him, getting his hair out of his face, barely stroking it. Feeling his soft hair beneath my finger's,

"I'm so sorry baby, oh God I'm so sorry. I-I wish you would've told me...I could've at least tried to help, like we alway's did....and if it hadn't have worked, I-I could've gotten you to a therapist...I know how much you hated them, but damn it. I could've pushed you into the damn fucking office and they could've h-helped you." I said, rubbing his face gently.

"Oh God, what-what do I do now, Frankie?....What, what do I do?"

I regret this day, _**November 26th**_ for ever existing.

-/-

One month, and 7 day's later.

I didn't notify the police about Frank... Before- before I left, I picked him up and laid him comfortably in his bed, tucking him in, making sure everything was perfect. I just, I-I mean I couldn't just bury him myself...and-and I was confused and I should've called 911 but I didn't...I was too afraid, to upset, and I just..couldn't go through the questioning....them thinking that I killed Frank. I can just see it now.

But, back to the present day.

Sitting on the floor...staring...staring at the heart shaped box....that's all I do these day's......

That's what I'm doing at this very moment....staring.

Opening it every few minute's, checking it to make sure everything was all still in there. And Re-reading the note that Frank had left taped to the lid.

I've read it over over, to the point where I could recite it. I re-read it at least 10 time's a day.

And to be completely honest it's fucking tearing me apart. I don't eat, but maybe once a week, if I'm lucky and don't throw it back up. I don't sleep but maybe an two or three hours every night.

I want to sleep, it's not that I don't. But I get nightmare's of finding Frank. Sometime's I'm the one who did it to him; the one that killed him. And- and I'm so confused to the point that I'm starting to think that maybe I did do it.

 _Did_ I?

 _Did_ I _do_ it?

Did...did I murder Frankie?

Wait no, that would make no sense.

What's wrong with me?

I don't even know what's real and what's not anymore.

"I- I feel trapped....trapped in this heart shaped box." I said slowly.

And as soon as I did, a familiar song came to my mind as I hummed the rhythm.

"I've been locked inside you're heart shaped box for week's" I sang quietly, even though there was no one around to hear me.

"I- I can't take this anymore, Frankie. God, I-I-why...why the fuck did you leave me this?! I-it's driving me insane... I love you, Frankie. But I just can't do this anymore....I can't...I can't take all of constant paranoia that I'm going to lose something from the box.....or-or I'll forget you're last written word's." I said, looking at the box, as if it were Frank himself.

I couldn't do this anymore...I just couldn't.

"Fuck...I have no one left!.." I yelled, tugging on my hair for the thousands time.

"Why did you have to leave me, Frank?" I whispered.

I stood up, knowing exactly how to solve the problem...

I went into my bedroom, grabbing for my pistol. This was gonna end, here and now.

I took the box of bullet's that I alway's kept in the top drawer of my dresser, loaded them in the gun, and walked out of my bedroom.

"I'm sorry...I've failed." I said quietly,

I held the gun tightly in one hand while holding the heart shaped box in the other. Re-reading Frankie's note one last time.

After I had finished reading, I thought if I should leave a note behind..but then I thought that the box would explain anything to anyone who found me without me having to explain it.

"Most of all, I'm sorry to you, Frank. I'm sorry I can't make it without you. I know this isn't what you would want. I know it isn't. I know. But I just can't do it. I'm so sorry, Frankie. I am. Really. I-I love you." I said loud, tears slipping down my cheek's.

"I've been locked inside you're heart shaped box...for week's." I sang softly.

I lifted the gun up to my temple.

"Maybe, I can go and be with Frankie now..." I said, with a small smile on my face just before I pulled the trigger.

*BANG*

_________________________________


End file.
